Top 10 reasons the Pentagon generals tell each other they are winning in Afghanistan

1. The Afghan soldier who turned around and shot six U.S. mercenary advisers, then escaped, didn’t join the Taliban after all.

2. The population is throwing much smaller rocks at U.S.-NATO troops when they march by than they used to. Or so our informants report.

3. The government in Kabul isn’t nearly as corrupt as the one in Washington.

4. We are starting to get a bigger cut of the poppy seed business.

5. The U.S. population is tired from the war, not tired of the war. There’s a big difference.

6. A clear majority of 38 percent of the U.S. population doesn’t seem to mind the war.

7. After a thorough assessment, the Pentagon has confidently promised to withdraw someday.

8. Unlike the war against Vietnam, we generals have much better press control over what people at home know about the war, except for WikiLeaks.

9. We polled the Afghans we bribe. A clear majority want us to stay.

10. U.S. soldiers don’t seem to mind five or six stints in a war zone. They can see their loved ones on Skype. The high-tech revolution. The Taliban can’t do that for its troops.